This year I decided to participate in a common Catholic/Christian practice known as Lent. According to an article written by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops:
“Lent is a 40 day season of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving that begins on Ash Wednesday and ends at sundown on Holy Thursday. It’s a period of preparation to celebrate the Lord’s Resurrection at Easter. During Lent, we seek the Lord in prayer by reading Sacred Scripture; we serve by giving alms; and we practice self-control through fasting. We are called not only to abstain from luxuries during Lent, but to a true inner conversion of heart as we seek to follow Christ’s will more faithfully. We recall the waters of baptism in which we were also baptized into Christ’s death, died to sin and evil, and began new life in Christ.”
https://www.usccb.org/prayer-worship/liturgical-year/lent
This 40-day season of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving is indicative of the 40 days that Jesus Christ spent in the desert fasting before beginning his ministry. This feat is outlined in the book of Matthews 4:1-11 where it states:
“[...] Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. He fasted for forty days and forty nights and afterwards was hungry.”
as well as in the book of Mark 1:13 and the Book of Luke 4:1-13. The time Jesus spent in the desert cleared his pathway to God and brought him deeper in alignment with Spirit which is how he was able to receive the intended message of his ministry. If you’re unfamiliar with Christ you could boil his ministry down to peace, love, and understanding for yourself and your fellow man. I resonate deeply with this message and try to live it in my life daily.
At the time I decided to participate in Lent, I was experiencing immense turmoil, anxiety attacks, and deeply engaging in escapist activity. I was feeling overwhelmed with the direction of my content creation and not able to keep up with the ideas in my mind. A shroud of loneliness had overcome me having spent several months away from any kind of socialization. Frustration surrounding my financial income, or lack thereof, peaked unsettling worry in my heart and I was yearning for an avenue that would bring me closer to trusting Spirit- the God of my innerstanding. Experiences of imbalance happen in spurts for me and this moment of misalignment was happening right on course with Lent. This season of sacrifice presented itself as an opportunity for me to reflect and reach deep within.
I decided I would be giving up meat, smoking, and most importantly social media. Pursuing content creation for months left me open and susceptible to the miscommunications of social media. I became wrapped up in packaging myself as a monetizable entity. That my worth was displayed in the quantity of what I offered rather than a) simply existing and b) the quality of what I offered. I became attached to the things I was doing rather than simply being and allowing that free flow of energy to manifest creation. I was forcing my hand onto the U-N-Iverse instead of trusting that the U-N-Iverse is already working in favor of my heart. My soul was weary, my mind was tiresome, my emotions were high and I was thankful for this opportunity to detach.
Each day offered its own little bit of struggle. I had absolutely no desire to get back on social media, but a few puffs or a piece of fried chicken grew more appealing every time it popped up in my mind. However, I noticed a certain strength growing inside of me every moment I decided to stay the course as opposed to giving in to my indulgences. On the first day, I rapidly began to receive downloads from Spirit, and in the true fashion of self, I wrote these downloads down in order to share them with you…
Day 1:
- Silence is golden.
- I am who I am. I don’t have to seek it, it seeks me.
- When in doubt those who have displayed loyalty should receive the greatest benefit. – My mom
Day 2:
- Release the narrative of telling myself I NEED to do anything. I have 3 needs: food, shelter, and water. This is U-N-Iversal truth.
- My imposter syndrome is a result of undone work.
- Release control. Don’t look and force. Put full faith in the U-N-Iverse. Stillness. So I may be able to receive the messages clearly, and follow intuition. Remain Grounded. – Tarot Priest
- Surrender. The intelligence of the U-N-Iverse lies within me.
Day 3:
- I’m thankhful for this quiet time. I lost seyeght caught up in the Matrix. Nonstop.
- The message, not the messenger.
- Who am eye?
- The U-N-Iverse has never forsaken me. I’ve already expressed my heart’s desires. I just have to sit still and remain diligent to Spirit while the U-N-Iverse works. I, Aolani, do not attract, my energy attracts. Work on my inner-g.
- As long as I abide by my Spirit I won’t have to expend too much. Spirit talks to me about all things, not just major things. Many things, not just minor things.
- Wanting to know is the fundamental nature of human beings- science- the issue comes when we turn that need into an enterprise. – Sadhguru
- “An escape artist that tries to seem deep and interesting but is excessively annoying.”- a comment I read on youtube that kind of describes the insecurities with which I see myself.
Day 4:
- Peace and stillness.
- Don’t think I want to be a content creator anymore.
- Sometimes I’ll do something that’s “good” and try to identify and attach to it rather than it simply being something good I’m doing at the moment. Could happen again, could not. Enjoy it now, rather than anticipating it for the unforeseeable future.
- I ask for help, then take matters into my own hands.
- I am a loving, honest, and caring person with sincere and pure intentions. No one can make me a question or see that differently about me.
Day 5:
- Erasure of finite words such as “always” and “never” “right” and “wrong”
- Time is precious but the truth is more precious than time.- Benjamin Disraeli
- I crave guidance, almost like a child. Blame I.B. I give thankhs for I.B. It taught me how to be expansive and analytical. Argumentative and debate oriented. It taught me how to give meaning and understanding through research and how to bring connectedness and awareness to many things.
- Crave a slow life. Can’t keep up, don’t want to. Been wanting to move for the longest to get away from fast-paced western society.
- I’m naturally slow-paced, not in mind or knowledge, but in nature. A fast-paced society gives me anxiety.
- Crying is Spirit’s release. I am very alive, Spirit is alive inside of me.
Day 6:
- Sometimes I fear that Spirit will forsake me, but the fact is I have forsaken Spirit time and time again, yet look at my life. Spirit has never left me! I give thankhs that the signs of Spirit are ALL AROUND ME! Spirit has loved and supported me, held and cared for me, and picked me up every single time I have fallen short of my greatest good. My highest vibration. My strongest alignment. I give thankhs and run to Spirit.
- I can’t do whatever I want, but Spirit knows my heart.
Day 7:
- Sometimes people internalize that you have ill intentions if they’re triggered into ill feelings ie “I’m hurt therefore you wanted to hurt me.“
- Patience, patience, patience. The U-N-Iverse will provide.
Day 8:
- I attached to my goals, wants, and desires. That is not life. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. It’s okay either way and truthfully it doesn’t matter.
- Material desires hold no value. No truth.
- Truth is light. Truth is love. Truth is peace. Truth is LIGHT.
Day 9:
- If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t know it well enough.- Albert Einstein
- Do things outside of your comfort zone. Get used to the sensation of “rejection” like any other emotion- you will fear less.
Day 10:
- Can’t save the world, can only save yourself.
Up to this point, it’s been 30 days. I continue to receive downloads daily and in a far clearer headspace. I continue to increase my innerstanding and awareness through restriction, prayer, and meditation. I’d be remiss to say there were moments that I have faltered, maybe having a piece of chicken or a social smoke with a friend on a lenient weekend (but the first priority for me was to abstain from social media and I have been diligent in that 100%). I don’t let those moments alter my perspective or redefine the relationship that is consistently building between I, Spirit, and the U-N-Iverse. In the words of Christ, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” John 8:7.
